In terms of our deepest values and beliefs, whether they result from our upbringing and life experiences, our family, our teachers, the media, society, or our innate personality may not matter to you. On the other hand, owning your self talk is a good place to start.

What is your self talk?

Understanding how we talk to ourselves helps us to recognise our subsequent behaviours and our patterns around particular situations or types of people.

Have a ponder about what your triggers might be. Read each statement and decide how often the statement may be true for you. Score each as follows:

0   Never

1   Rarely

2   Sometimes

3   Frequently

4   Always

It’s not a test, so just be honest with yourself in terms of how you are, rather than how you’d like to be. It should take between 15-20 minutes, any more and you're thinking too hard!

1.       I need to do things as quickly as possible.

2.      I feel responsible for making others feel good.

3.      I try to hide my feelings in front of others.

4.      Whenever I do something, I demand perfection from myself, even if  I have to spend a lot of time doing it.

5.      I have more difficulty in doing things, than most people I know.

6.      I often speak so quickly, that people have difficulty following what I'm saying.

7.      It is difficult for me to say 'no' when I'm asked to do something.

8.     I endure things silently, without complaining.

9.      I try to use words correctly without making any mistakes.

10.    Life is often difficult and things require a lot of effort.

11.     I never seem to have enough time.

12.     Since I was little, I have put other people first.

13.     When I've made a decision, I'd rather die than change my mind.

14.     When I pass on information, I do it in great detail, so that people understand exactly what I  mean.

15.     When I'm talking or doing something, I find it difficult to remain objective.

16.    I leave things to the last minute and tend to panic as time runs out.

17.     I like to be liked by everybody.

18.    I don't like to ask for help.

19.    Even when I do something well, I still think I could have done better.

20.    It's not easy to simplify matters - most things are more complicated.

21.     When I'm doing something, I often find myself thinking about what I have to do next.

22.  I worry about what people will say when I do things.

23.    When everyone gets excited, I keep cool and calm. I don't panic.

24.    Although I try to be positive, I often end up being negative.

25.    I never know exactly what I want. I find it hard to set clear goals.

26.    I either arrive very early for meetings and appointments, or I am late.  Being on time is difficult.

27.    I hope that people will know when I need something, I prefer not to have to ask them directly for it.

28.   I like to keep myself to myself.

29.    I don't like to see anything out of place. I like order and efficiency.

30.    I don't know why I bother. I try and nothing comes out the way I want.

 31.     I get impatient waiting for other people to finish their tasks, and often end up doing the job myself.

32.      I think getting on with people is more important than the work.

33.      When somebody becomes emotional, I either become critical or joke about it.

34.    I find it difficult to tolerate other people's mistakes or accept excuses.

 35.     I think it's more important to try new things or be creative than to get it right.

 36.     While others are talking or doing something, I find it difficult to remain still and just listen or watch.

37.      I don't like saying things to people if I think it will hurt them, even when it’s true.

38.     I think that the more a person can endure, the more worthy of admiration they are.

39.    I correct people.

40.    I tend to be disorganised and don't have a systematic approach.

41.     I have a tendency to interrupt people and complete their words or sentences for them.

42.    I try to guess what others need in order to meet their wishes.

43.    Duty and discipline come first in life.

44.    In everything I do, I want to be number one.

45.    I think routine is boring, and when I do things I try to find new or different ways.

46.     When I ask for something I appreciate a quick reply. I get impatient with slow people.

47.    I would usually accept 'no" for an answer, even if the request is important to me.

48.    I think it’s important to stay strong and not show what I’m really feeling.

49.    I expect maximum effort from others in their studies and work, but I'm most demanding of myself. 

50.   I worry and make a great effort when I do things.

51.     I like to have a number of things going on at the same time.

52.    When someone talks to me I nod my head in agreement.

53.    When someone tells a joke I just smile.

54.    I would rather do things myself to be sure they are well done. 

55.    I often complain about life's difficulties.

56.    Wherever I go, I walk quickly or drive fast.

57.    I feel uncomfortable about asking for favours.

58.   I like to do things in a routine manner regardless of what else is going on.

59.    If something is not achieved 100% then it isn't worth anything.

60.   As much as I try, I leave many things unfinished.

We’ll be exploring your answers together in our next session, so please be sure to bring them with you. If it helps, print this page out to record them.